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  1. #301
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    Nice! ^
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  2. #302
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    50+ Joke Thread-1ea3f85640f29f95fbc37539d2fbbe17.jpg

  3. #303
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    Old guy next to me at the pharmacy was apparently picking up some ED meds. The pharmacist (seeing his hearing aids) warned him that his prescription can cause temporary hearing loss. Without hesitating (and loud like he has really serious hearing loss) he says: "You don't have to tell me that I've been married to her for 42 years, her hearing is always bad when I take a Viagra." And that is how you turn everyone in a pharmacy beet red.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  4. #304
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
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    This should probably have gone in the bicycle friendly city thread.

  5. #305
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  6. #306
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    50+ Joke Thread-image001-2.jpg

  7. #307
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    Quote Originally Posted by MattMay View Post
    Wife just gave me this Tshirt:
    Wife got me the same same shift. It must have been on sale...

  8. #308
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  9. #309
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    Throwback Thursday

    50+ Joke Thread-pv6y1on.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  10. #310
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  11. #311
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    Caturday laugh

    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  12. #312
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  13. #313
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  14. #314
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtrider127 View Post
    Haa haaaa!!!!

  15. #315
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    What is Celibacy?
    Celibacy can be a choice in life,
    Or a condition imposed by circumstances.

    While attending a Marriage Weekend,
    my wife and I listened to the instructor declare,
    "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
    He then addressed the men,
    "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"
    I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently,
    and whispered,
    "Robin Hood All-Purpose Flour, isn't it?"
    And thus began my life of celibacy....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
    What is Celibacy?
    Celibacy can be a choice in life,
    Or a condition imposed by circumstances.

    While attending a Marriage Weekend,
    my wife and I listened to the instructor declare,
    "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
    He then addressed the men,
    "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"
    I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently,
    and whispered,
    "Robin Hood All-Purpose Flour, isn't it?"
    And thus began my life of celibacy....


    That reminds me of a sign I saw once: What's the one thing a woman can eat that permanently kills her libido?

    Her own Wedding Cake.

  17. #317
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    Throwback Thursday!

    50+ Joke Thread-mnhdd9a.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  18. #318
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    ^^^ That is genius. Cheers was such a great show.
    I like turtles

  19. #319
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Caturday laugh

    I made it to 2:15 and just couldn't take any more

  20. #320
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    Quote Originally Posted by NYrr496 View Post
    ^^^ That is genius. Cheers was such a great show.
    I agree, some amazing writers in that show.
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  21. #321
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  22. #322
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
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    I've been saying that for years.
    I like turtles

  23. #323
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    50+ Joke Thread-11image005.jpg

  24. #324
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    50+ Joke Thread-18620284_10156189348178012_3385813486736351287_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  25. #325
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    The last one is the best. I can't tell you how many folks have shared their "Internet Voodoo" secrets with me over the years. Crushed disc in your back causing you to lose the use of your left foot? No worries, there's a pill and elastic belt that will cure that in no time. Frozen shoulder making it hard to put shirts on? I know just the supplement to repair muscle tears that had scarred together.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  26. #326
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    Happy Hump Day!


    50+ Joke Thread-18664490_1760495747298913_5817230763073486678_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  27. #327
    turtles make me hot
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    Yep... And be sure the doctor doesn't have both hands on your shoulders.
    I like turtles

  28. #328
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Happy Hump Day!


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    Quote Originally Posted by NYrr496 View Post
    Yep... And be sure the doctor doesn't have both hands on your shoulders.
    Both -
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  29. #329
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    50+ Joke Thread-c7pcz_jxkae0ck-.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  30. #330
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    Haha Love it.
    I like turtles

  31. #331
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    Of course you all knot about the cross eyed foot fetishist who kept getting off on the wrong foot............
    DAMN THE MUD, FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

  32. #332
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    Quote Originally Posted by OlMarin View Post
    Of course you all knot about the cross eyed foot fetishist who kept getting off on the wrong foot............
    This reminds me of one my mom always says...

    Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Food's good but it's got no atmosphere.

    I swear, I've heard that a thousand times.
    I like turtles

  33. #333
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    Day one of my new job:

    After landing my new job as a ‘meet and greeter’ at Jack's Paint and Hardware - a lovely position for a guy like me, and I would say for older folk who have taken their foot off the gas….so to speak……I lasted less than a day ......

    About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

    As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Jacks Paint."
    I smiled and added, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

    This ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Twins..???? Do they look like twins?? Of course they aren’t twins you idiot!!! The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 6. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

    I looked her in the eye, smiled and replied, "No madam, I'm neither blind nor stupid, I just can’t believe someone would have screwed you twice.... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Jack's Paint and Hardware"

    My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work. Maybe I should try Walmart...

  34. #334
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    I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in....

    I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?" The trainer looked me over and said;

    "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

  35. #335
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    Double laugh ^^

    Tribble, the first one I actually fell for, for a minute.
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  36. #336
    turtles make me hot
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    Those are both great.
    I like turtles

  37. #337
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    50+ Joke Thread-hhdiwea.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  38. #338
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Caturday laugh

    Don't worry about it, son. Soon enough your eyesight will be so bad that you'll once again look like the stud you used to be.

  39. #339
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    50+ Joke Thread-13133182_10153570624637113_3485781421795206127_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  40. #340
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    I have become competitive in napping. I used to never understand my older friends who always took a nap.
    In all fairness, mine comes from commuting. I ride the 4:12 home every day. On Saturday, I almost NEED a nap around 4:30.
    I like turtles

  41. #341
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
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    Thankfully they built in some rest & recovery days into the schedule
    "We'll ride it until they pave it."

    -Urban Yeti
    Dirttreaders.com

  42. #342
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    The Old Man And The Beaver

    An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

    The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"

    The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

    I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.

    One day he set off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

    Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.

    Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

    "Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

    The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

    The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

  43. #343
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    Two rednecks are drinking in a bar.

    One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

    "Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the American Legion!"

  44. #344
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
    Two rednecks are drinking in a bar.

    One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

    "Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the American Legion!"
    Glad you didn't throw the VFW card. I'm on my way to that meeting in about 30 minutes.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  45. #345
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  46. #346
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    Throwback Thursday

    50+ Joke Thread-19225250_1857456837850576_6056564634227796554_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  47. #347
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Throwback Thursday

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    Gawd, How true is that!?
    One gear is all you need.

  48. #348
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    Throwback Thursday

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    .
    Fnnny, but I wonder how senile (or deaf) you have to be to confuse Jimi Hendrix with ACDC.
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  49. #349
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gasp4Air View Post
    .
    Fnnny, but I wonder how senile (or deaf) you have to be to confuse Jimi Hendrix with ACDC.
    I took it as arguing over who was the best.
    One gear is all you need.

  50. #350
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    50+ Joke Thread-image017.jpg

  51. #351
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    Quote Originally Posted by chuckha62 View Post
    I took it as arguing over who was the best.
    Make sense. Can you also help me understand the sign under the clock means?

    EDIT: Just figured it out. It's Spanish for Asylum. I looked closely at the pic and realized the band names in the word balloons had been altered.
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  52. #352
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gasp4Air View Post
    Make sense. Can you also help me understand the sign under the clock means?
    It's the spanish word for asylum

  53. #353
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheBaldBlur View Post
    It's the spanish word for asylum
    Beat me to it.
    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

  54. #354
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    50+ Joke Thread-img_0827.jpg

    In front of one of my local coffee shops.
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  55. #355
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    50+ Joke Thread-image018.jpg

  56. #356
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    50+ Joke Thread-19399983_1336548923125439_4830175330436491294_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  57. #357
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
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    Nope, my memory is gone too.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  58. #358
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
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    Good to see he still has his wits about him and wears a helmet.
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  59. #359
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    He probably has a different kind of dropper.
    There are two types of people in this world:
    1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

  60. #360
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    New wheel size to fight about too. 😁
    2016 SC Heckler R build
    2014 All City Macho Man Disc
    Nashbar 29er (Rigid)

    Giggity!

  61. #361
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    With new geometry as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  62. #362
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    This is what I thought people were talking about when I first heard about fat tires

  63. #363
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  64. #364
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    Mr Smith was an older man with a young wife. They were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

    On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

    'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."

    "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

    'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

    "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

    After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

    "Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

    "My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.

    "In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

    "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

    "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

    "She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.

    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

    "Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

    "Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"

    "It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

    "Tripod?"

    "Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."

    Mrs. Smith fainted.
    As little bike as possible, as silent as possible.
    Latitude: 57º36' Highlands, Scotland

  65. #365
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    Along the same lines:
    50+ Joke Thread-image001.jpg

  66. #366
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    yes it is IMHO

    50+ Joke Thread-19884186_10159067277965284_5817269242334930482_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  67. #367
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    yes it is IMHO

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    I think I'm on the same page with you there Licious. Let's see, are you on page 4?
    Quote Originally Posted by WHALENARD View Post
    No way man! The great Vans debate of 18 was epic!

  68. #368
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  69. #369
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

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  71. #371
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  72. #372
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  73. #373
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  74. #374
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    I had a whole week of interviews.

    50+ Joke Thread-19113535_1773074802708865_3545465693550984486_n.jpg
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  75. #375
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    F*ck Cancer

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  76. #376
    Maaaaan
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    Lmao.
    Communist Party Member Since 1917.

  77. #377
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  78. #378
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    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
    Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

    She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

    "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

    "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

    "Well," she explained, "One popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

    "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

  79. #379
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    LOL!

    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Tribble Me again.
    2016 SC Heckler R build
    2014 All City Macho Man Disc
    Nashbar 29er (Rigid)

    Giggity!

  80. #380
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    Some over 50's do like change

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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  81. #381
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    That was too funny

    "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to cyclelicious again."
    "We'll ride it until they pave it."

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  84. #384
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  85. #385
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    I noticed my hair is thinning. But the more hair I lose, the more head I get.
    DAMN THE MUD, FULL SPEED AHEAD!!

  86. #386
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  87. #387
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    Just been told this one.

    I told the missus I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, but she just laughed at me.

    You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
    As little bike as possible, as silent as possible.
    Latitude: 57º36' Highlands, Scotland

  88. #388
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    A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

    The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

    The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

    The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…

    "Try doing it with the engine running."
    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  89. #389
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

    The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

    The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

    The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…

    "Try doing it with the engine running."

    HAHAHA! That's excellent.
    I like turtles

  90. #390
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  91. #391
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  92. #392
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclelicious View Post
    A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

    The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

    The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

    The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…

    "Try doing it with the engine running."
    Actually...my MIL recently had major open heart surgery. They stopped her heart while they worked on it.

  93. #393
    oh my TVC 15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
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    Boyle's law of gas expansion suggests that the glass is always full. I consider the glass half empty if your drinking from it and half full if you're filling it. I could be over thinking it.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  94. #394
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    Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

    He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

    Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

    'The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

    Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. Now, when can I go home?'

  95. #395
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    I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
    I tried this a few more times with no success.

    All the while, my wife Vicki is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

    She opens the window and yelled to me, 'You need a piece of tail.'

    I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back, 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!

  96. #396
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    honesty
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  97. #397
    9 lives
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    F*ck Cancer

    Eat your veggies

  98. #398
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    I find this useful at the office:
    50+ Joke Thread-hurt-feelings.jpg

  99. #399
    oh my TVC 15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribble Me View Post
    I find this useful at the office:
    Click image for larger version. 

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    Had those on a pad on my desk too. Not always helpful, but generally entertaining.
    The most expensive bike in the world is still cheaper than the cheapest open heart surgery.

  100. #400
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    Been posted before, but haven't seen it for a while. Internet version.

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    Use it, use it, use it while you still have it.

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