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  1. #1
    sock puppet
    Reputation: osokolo's Avatar
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    Fun Time: Chuck Norris style one liners

    found one on Passion sub forum:

    "I was bitten by a cobra once, and after 5 days of excruciating pain... The cobra died"

    let's see other funny one liners for some good laugh... we've had enough of Lance and mushrooms...

  2. #2
    I dd what you see there.
    Reputation: XLNC's Avatar
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    umm.. pardon me, but CHUCK will tell you when you've had enough of Lance and Mushrooms.

    2002 Cannondale Jekyll 800
    2011 Trek Cronus CX Ultimate

  3. #3
    Lemmy Rules!
    Reputation: Unglued's Avatar
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    There's no such thing as evolution. Only species that Chuck Norris allows to survive.

    or

    Chuck Norris' friends threw him a surprise party. Once.

    or

    Chuck Norris lost his car keys and had to torture himself for three days before he cracked and gave up their location.

    or

    The boogeyman keeps his bedroom light on in case Chuck Norris jumps out of his bedroom closet and kicks his @ss
    Strava made me do it....

  4. #4
    I Strava Hamburgers
    Reputation: 14Stone's Avatar
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    When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jens Voigt jumps out and attacks.


    or

    Chuck Norris wears Jens Voigt pajamas.
    My EBB so loud
    I'm mashing...

  5. #5
    Lemmy Rules!
    Reputation: Unglued's Avatar
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    A local bike store tried to charge Jens Voight for zip ties. Once.
    Strava made me do it....

  6. #6
    No. Just No. Moderator
    Reputation: Circlip's Avatar
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    Crap guys, those are good. Like the cycling tie-ins too. Unfortunately, seems I've already given you guys rep recently for some other bizarre reasons I can't recall.

  7. #7
    ups and downs
    Reputation: rockyuphill's Avatar
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    Obviously not Chuck Norris on this bike, or this would already be a BBQ in progress

    David Vs Vacas Manzaneda Bike Park 2012 - YouTube
    I'm a member of NSMBA and IMBA Canada

  8. #8
    sock puppet
    Reputation: osokolo's Avatar
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    Rofl...

    Good one Barry...



    Quote Originally Posted by Unglued View Post
    A local bike store tried to charge Jens Voight for zip ties. Once.

  9. #9
    mtbr member
    Reputation: CptSydor's Avatar
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    Jens Voigt is short enough to ride a 29er and tall enough to ride a 26er.

  10. #10
    crash test dummy
    Reputation: FullyTorque's Avatar
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    Any Tom Waits fans?
    Tom Waits uses 90% of his brain, none of which includes the 10% that normal humans use.
    It is a well known fact that Tom Waits made a pact with the devil to be so talented. Before the pact the devil was a talentless nobody.
    Tom Wait's voice doesn't break glass, but it can rust chrome.
    I meant to do that.

  11. #11
    Muskoka
    Reputation: BlackCanoeDog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FullyTorque View Post
    Any Tom Waits fans?
    Tom Waits uses 90% of his brain, none of which includes the 10% that normal humans use.
    It is a well known fact that Tom Waits made a pact with the devil to be so talented. Before the pact the devil was a talentless nobody.
    Tom Wait's voice doesn't break glass, but it can rust chrome.
    ^+1
    http://picasaweb.google.com/BlackCanoeDog
    2011 Rocky Mountain Altitude 70 RSL
    2015 RSD Mayor...loves the white stuff!

  12. #12
    mtbr member
    Reputation: CptSydor's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris doesn't pick the mushroom, the mushroom picks Chuck Norris.

  13. #13
    No. Just No. Moderator
    Reputation: Circlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CptSydor View Post
    Chuck Norris doesn't pick the mushroom, the mushroom picks Chuck Norris.
    I was going to say that the mushrooms pick themselves, exactly when Chuck Norris tells them to.

  14. #14
    I dd what you see there.
    Reputation: XLNC's Avatar
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    A few of my favourites:

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King - and got one.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
    2002 Cannondale Jekyll 800
    2011 Trek Cronus CX Ultimate

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