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Thread: Bike Jokes

  1. #1
    moaaar shimz
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    Bike Jokes

    I found some bike jokes by accident, so I'll post them up:

    You are a bike addict when:

    10. Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schrader.

    9. A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn't refer to the latest Playboy centerfold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your Cobra.

    8. A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

    7. The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny's.

    6. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.

    5. The funeral director tells you "NO!" you can't ride your Cannondale in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.

    4. You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.

    3. You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.

    2. Your wife tells you the only way she'll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, "If that's the case, you'll be my first speed bump!"

    AND the number-one reason you know you're addicted to bicycling...

    1. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

    And...

    You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the bike?"

    You have stopped even trying to explain to your wife why you need two bikes ...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

    You convert your car's brake & gas pedals to clipless.

    You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.

    You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your gunboat sneakers.

    You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wallspace is taken up by the bike.

    You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

    Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.

    The "four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries" is for you.

    You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.

    You empathize with the roadkill.

    Despite all that winter weight you put on, you'll skim weight by buying titanium components.

    You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

    Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.

    You yell "On Your Left!" when passing another car.

    You yell "Hole!" when you see a pothole while driving your car.

    Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car's odometer.

    Your bikes are worth more than your car.

    You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

    When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

    You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

    You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

    You start yelling at cars to "hold your line."

    You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

    You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.

    You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.

    You can tell your wife, with a straight face that it's to hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

    You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.

    Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

    You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.

    When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.

    Your kids bring a rear derailleur to "Show & Tell".

    Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

    You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting effect.

    You know your Bike Nashbar customer number by heart.

    You have a four digit Bike Nashbar customer number.

    There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead...
    ______

    "I'm on my beater bike"

    Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce.

    "It's not that hilly"

    Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

    "You're doing great, honey"

    Translation: Yo, lard-o, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter watching football and gobbling Sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.

    "This is a no-drop ride"

    Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the search-and-rescue dogs.

    "It's not that far"

    Translation: Yes, it is.

  2. #2
    StraightOuttaCompton
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    those are almost all true.haha
    HARDTAIL PRIDE- 09 Kona Five-0

  3. #3
    moaaar shimz
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    yeah some of them are a bit on the roadie (yuck ) side.. but most of them are true

  4. #4
    pro
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    haha they are all true

    Another one thats true for me
    You have a bike room. Only for bikes. Nothing else. Everyone calls it the bike room too.

  5. #5
    Glad to Be Alive
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    yep 3 bikes and bike stuff = no room for truck.....buying a house with a 3 gar garage in October

    one for Porsche
    one for Truck
    one for bikes and tools
    the trick is ENJOYING YOUR LIFE EACH DAY, don't waste them away wishing for better days

  6. #6
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    it's frightening how many of those are true

    another few that are true for me:

    you know your a mountain biking addict when...

    your car is the most expensive MTB accessory you've purchased
    you have the armor strap/full face tan
    you've ridden Whistler and the Shore in the same day
    you go to work when you're sick b/c you don't want to miss a ride
    you've woken up in the middle of the night pedalling
    you get very precise flashbacks of riding when you hear your favorite songs
    you schedule your appendectomy around Whistler's MTB season ending
    Too tired and sore to ride...so...who wants to go riding?

  7. #7
    Captains Log
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    Seen this bumper sticker the other day:"If my wife let me ride her as much as I ride my bike i'd be home right now". On a pick up with two bikes in the back.
    what do you find in a star trek bathroom?

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