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  1. #1
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    Commuter's fable: "Spandex F@gg0t!"

    Early this morning on my ride down a double track service road I heard the rumble of a diesel pick up coming up behind me, so I moved over to the far right shoulder of the road to allow the truck to pass. It is not unusual to encounter quarry worker or rancher traffic on this road, so I assumed that the driver would slow down and we would exchange friendly waves as happens almost every time I do my morning ride on this section of road.
    Instead of seeing one of the marked company trucks which I am accustomed to seeing, a red Dodge slows down right beside me and a passenger rolls down his window and yells “SPANDEX F@GGOT!” the two men in the cab erupt with laughter and the truck accelerates, leaving me in a black cloud of diesel exhaust. I was rather pissed, but did not react in any way. Only about a hundred yards down the road the truck is carrying a great deal of speed and bounces over an erosion berm. I hear the sound of metal clanging, and I see a toolbox in the back of the truck become air born. The metal box lands back into the bed of the truck, but it is obvious that much of its contents have fallen onto the road.
    I was certain that the driver and his passengers noticed what had happened, and would stop to gather the tools, so I figured that I would stop to wish them a good morning and help them pick up their property. My reasoning behind this was that these buffoons wouldn’t really know how to react to such a kind gesture. To my surprise the truck continued down the road and was a speck in the distance when I reached a pile of sockets, wrenches, screw drivers, and drill bits on the road.
    My jacket pockets and saddle bag were filled to capacity with the truck driver’s unintended apology gift, and the largest crescent wrench was strapped securely into the brackets holding my frame pump. After a few miles of ballasted pedaling, I was back at home with my new tools.
    Moral of the story: A guy wearing insulated tights during his morning exercise will gladly find the rightful owner of lost property, but a “spandex F@GGOT” will gladly keep whatever he finds for himself.

  2. #2
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    Ha! Nice story.

  3. #3
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    I'm glad this didn't end like the Dead Kennedy's "night of the red necks"

    cheers.

  4. #4
    No-Brakes Cougar
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    Ah you see, karma really does work!
    R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio ~ July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010

  5. #5
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    Good job! Excellent Story

    The better person definitely prevailed...
    Fightline
    aka
    --Derek--

  6. #6
    weirdo
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    The only bummer is that they`ll never know they paid you back. Cool story.

  7. #7
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    Tools from the Tools...how fitting!!!

  8. #8
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    Update!

    This morning I rode by an aparment complex and saw the same red Dodge truck parked in the tenant lot (small town Wyoming ). I rode by again this evening and the truck was parked in the same space. the guy is most likely a student at a local automotive tech school.

    I have no desire to bring harm to the guy or damage his property, but I am wondering if anyone has a good idea how I could have some harmless fun with this.

    Funny note or picture?

  9. #9
    Fat boy Mod Moderator
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    ...i just hope they where snap-on
    - Surly Disc trucker
    - '82 trek 560 roadie

  10. #10
    high-fivin' your nipples
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    You could put the tools back in his truck box one at a time, but spray-paint them pink first.

  11. #11
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    Knock on his door and offer back his tools, He'll probably feel really crappy about what he said and might respect cyclists more.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_in_ca
    Knock on his door and offer back his tools, He'll probably feel really crappy about what he said and might respect cyclists more.
    Should I wear my neon bibs when doing this?

  13. #13
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    Or tape a socket a day to his truck antenna...with a note on how to retrieve the rest of his tools, until he contacts you to pick them up?

  14. #14
    No-Brakes Cougar
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    I say keep the tools. He shouldn't have been talking $h!t in the first place, when he was in a moving vehicle and could have easily run away like he did. Build, repair or maintain a "F@gg0t" bicycle and donate it to a local charity or someone in need. Leave a picture of it under his windshield wiper with a note thanking him for "bettering his community." That should get his goat.
    R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio ~ July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010

  15. #15
    I Ride for Donuts
    Reputation: CommuterBoy's Avatar
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    Leave a note and a pair of spandex under his windshield.

    "Dear Idiot Redneck,
    Thanks for the tools you left on the road for me. Just trying to pay you back. Enjoy.

    Sincerely,
    Spandex F@ggot."


    ...
    but the truly cool thing to to would be to put all the tools back in his truck and just leave him a note that says something like
    "I returned your tools even though you are a prick. Try being nice to people some day, it feels pretty good.
    -Spandex F@ggot"
    Last edited by CommuterBoy; 02-20-2009 at 02:38 PM.
    You have no excuse for driving to work
    (unless you don't have studded tires)
    (no excuse for that either)

  16. #16
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    Give him the opportunity to apologize. Leave a note with a some form of contact (perhaps e-mail for anonymity) where he can apologize and explain his motivation for his actions. If the apology is sufficient and he reaches an understanding of your situation, you will happily return his tools.

  17. #17
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    keep em' !!

    maybe hit his bumper with a rainbow bumper sticker

  18. #18
    nachos rule!
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    keep the tools and just leave it at that. smirk everytime you see his truck...
    plus a change, plus c'est la m'me chose - alphonse karr

  19. #19
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    If it was me, I would take a picture of all the tools and leave it on his windshield with a note that says "Lose something on the road?" Simple, but effective.
    This should drive him crazy. He must know he lost his tools, but to know someone has them and is taunting him with this knowledge is priceless.
    Anyhow, great story. We have all been there. Things usually don't work out this well.

    Todd

  20. #20
    powered by ibuprofen
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    Nice fable, Aesop.
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    ....what the hell you lookin' down here for?

  21. #21
    BIG and Bald
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    If he truly is a student, show up at one of his classes one day, (dressed in full Spandex F@ggot gear) and in front of everyone say, "Thanks for letting me borrow these. I owe you a BIIIG one." (while you wink at him).
    [SIZE="2"][SIZE="3"]Eat to Live[/SIZE][/SIZE]...[SIZE="3"]not the other way around[/SIZE]

  22. #22
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    whatever you do just make sure that the truck is REALLY the same one!!! I would keep the tools, but somehow have him beg for them in some way....I mean that's the type of people that think they're better than you because they drive a big truck....they deserve the humiliation.I would only give them back if there is a chance he might one day see you and remeber you....

    On a different note, here's a little tale that happened to one of my friends. As he was crossing an intersection, this car blows his stop sign, forcing him to brake in a panic, barely missing the side of the car. The young man in the car had his window open, was talking on his cell phone all while smoking a cigarette. Turns to my friend and says"buy a car". A few minutes later, my friend catches up to the car in question, as there was a red light and a lot of traffic. So he pulls up to the passenger side, which had the window open, leans his arm on the door and says: 'by the way, i do have a car, and it's a lot nicer than yours!" and pulls away. The guy was sooo outraged, he was trying to pass the cars and was screaming, but never came close to catching up......

  23. #23
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    Still got the tools

    Well, so far I have held on to the tools and made good use of a number of them. Last night I put in a few hours toward rebulding and old Schwinn Chicago 12-speed. This bike is going to replace my Centurion sport, which is being given to a friend who needs a bike.

    I doubt that the guy who called me a "spandex f@gg0t" really intended to do anything other than get a laugh with a little juvenille humor, so I really don't feel a need to do anything beyond reciprocate with a little childish fun of my own. I can't imagine getting a sincere appology from the guy, but who knows.

  24. #24
    My Brain Hurts!
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnlh
    Well, so far I have held on to the tools and made good use of a number of them. Last night I put in a few hours toward rebulding and old Schwinn Chicago 12-speed. This bike is going to replace my Centurion sport, which is being given to a friend who needs a bike.

    I doubt that the guy who called me a "spandex f@gg0t" really intended to do anything other than get a laugh with a little juvenille humor, so I really don't feel a need to do anything beyond reciprocate with a little childish fun of my own. I can't imagine getting a sincere appology from the guy, but who knows.
    If it were me, I'd take all the tools to the local Police station with a very detailed description of the truck, the driver, the passenger and a detailed timeline on what went down, who did what and who said what.

    Also a tip as to where you see the truck you think is the one. Before you go into the police station, drop a note o that trucks windshiled, under the wiper blade telling the driver that if he is indeed the fellow that lost his tools on (list the date and time) tell him he can reclaim his tools at the local police station. Tell him you tried to catch up but he was just going too fast for you to catch up. Be sure to tell him that you gave the police a description of them and the truck in case they came in to get their tools. This way the police would be sure that they were not giving their tools to the wrong people.

    Say nothing about the incident or what he said.

    That will flip his cork and there is no way the idiot can retaliate now! Then if you see him again, smile and politely wave just as you do with any other vehicle you encounter.
    Remember when we were kids and our Mom's said we could not play in the mud? I'm making up for it now!!

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spindelatron
    keep em' !!

    maybe hit his bumper with a rainbow bumper sticker
    Lmao why did this make me laugh soo hard.

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