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Thread: Rant Template

  1. #1
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    Rant Template

    Yesterday I was at _________ trailhead parking lot and this ________ steps out of his/her car and _________ listening to _________ really loud. He/She waited a really long time to ___________, and He/She did it in the parking lot! If I wanted to see _________ I would go to a ___________ instead of a trailhead. I could tell by looking at Him/Her that the ____________ he/she was wearing that he/she was a total__________. And the music! Who listens to __________ and actually lets other people hear? He/She waited until I started up the trail before __________ just to make me feel __________and make him/her feel ____________. Since my bike weighs 75 pounds, he/she was coming downhill by the time I was a mile in, and he/she didn't even ___________!

  2. #2
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    Yesterday I was at White Ranch trailhead parking lot and this smoking hot chick steps out of her car and was listening to Bob Marley really loud. She waited a really long time to take her shirt off, and She did it in the parking lot! If I wanted to see some hot chick keep her shirt on I would go to a church instead of a trailhead. I could tell by looking at Her that the shirt she was wearing that she was a total busty babe. And the music! Who listens to Bob Marley and actually lets other people hear? She waited until I started up the trail before starting as well, just to make me feel like I actually had a chance with her and make her feel like an even hotter babe. Since my bike weighs 75 pounds, she was coming downhill by the time I was a mile in, and she didn't even show her ta tas!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sawyerdog
    Yesterday I was at _JANKY_ trailhead parking lot and this _Jackwagon_ steps out of his/her car and _Started__ listening to __Me Fart__ really loud. He/She waited a really long time to ___Breathe in __, and He/She did it in the parking lot! If I wanted to see __Boobies__ I would go to a ___strip club__ instead of a trailhead. I could tell by looking at Him/Her that the ___Gimp Mask__ he/she was wearing that he/she was a total__Freak__. And the music! Who listens to _Hip Hop_ and actually lets other people hear? He/She waited until I started up the trail before __The Jackwagon came up behind me__ just to make me feel __Like they were staring at my buttocks__and make him/her feel __Horny__. Since my bike weighs 75 pounds, he/she was coming downhill by the time I was a mile in, and he/she didn't even __check my oil__!

    Sort of like Mad-Libs

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sawyerdog
    Yesterday I was at _________ trailhead parking lot and this ________ steps out of his/her car and _________ listening to _________ really loud. He/She waited a really long time to ___________, and He/She did it in the parking lot! If I wanted to see _________ I would go to a ___________ instead of a trailhead. I could tell by looking at Him/Her that the ____________ he/she was wearing that he/she was a total__________. And the music! Who listens to __________ and actually lets other people hear? He/She waited until I started up the trail before __________ just to make me feel __________and make him/her feel ____________. Since my bike weighs 75 pounds, he/she was coming downhill by the time I was a mile in, and he/she didn't even ___________!
    This is going to save me so much time!

    BTW, lots of people have made millions using observational humor. Have you heard of Sienfield? Just because you know his formula, it doesn't make it any less funny.

  5. #5
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    This is the most useful thread I have seen in years. You could get a job writing corporate emails where I work.
    You have just been mentally Rick Roll'd. Yup you're thinking about it right now aren't you? Don't fight it.

  6. #6
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    Speaking of hot chicks on a bike in distress, there she was way up on on the Red Mesa Loop at Deer Creek Canyon, stranded because her QR had busted. I was the first to come upon her dilemma. I think she expected me to fall all over myself helping her (because she was so freakin' cute maybe, I dunno, sounds sexist I know still...) but, truth be told, I was really really in a hurry to finish my ride and get back to work. She was so cute and in need of my assistance but I just said, sorry man, I gotta go. I really couldn't help her. If I'd had time I would have carried both her and her bike back to my truck.

    You should seen the look on her face as I rode away. Does this have anything to do with this thread?
    Last edited by xcguy; 05-12-2011 at 02:34 PM.
    A blind man searches in a dark room for a black hat that isn't there. Dashiell Hammett

  7. #7
    FleshwoundGravityResearch
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    Quote Originally Posted by xcguy
    Speaking of hot chicks on a bike in distress, there she was way up on on the Red Mesa Loop at Deer Creek Canyon, stranded because her QR had busted. I was the first to come upon her dilemma. I think she expected me to fall all over myself helping her (because she was so freakin' cute maybe, I dunno, sounds sexist I know still...) but, truth be told, I was really really in a hurry to finish my ride and get back to work. She was so cute and in need of my assistance but I just said, sorry man, I gotta go. I really couldn't help her. If I'd had time I would have carried both her and her bike back to my truck.

    You should seen the look on her face as I rode away. Does this have anything to do with this thread?

    Damn... I thought this was the start of a penthouse letters post.

  8. #8
    Tame the Penguin!
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtn hack
    Damn... I thought this was the start of a penthouse letters post.

    LOL! You married guys would think that.....


  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by xcguy
    Speaking of hot chicks on a bike in distress, there she was way up on on the Red Mesa Loop at Deer Creek Canyon, stranded because her QR had busted. I was the first to come upon her dilemma. I think she expected me to fall all over myself helping her (because she was so freakin' cute maybe, I dunno, sounds sexist I know still...) but, truth be told, I was really really in a hurry to finish my ride and get back to work. She was so cute and in need of my assistance but I just said, sorry man, I gotta go. I really couldn't help her. If I'd had time I would have carried both her and her bike back to my truck.

    You should seen the look on her face as I rode away. Does this have anything to do with this thread?
    Guess who is disappointed....



    Dun dun DUNNNN!!!




  10. #10
    DWF
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    True story: one day we were coming down Red Mesa at warp speed and I came upon two hot mommy types. I stop and chat them up. You know, proper MTB etiquette. My son comes around the corner behind us (obviously this is when I was still faster than him), washes his front wheel, and lands on his face in the rocks. The mommies eyes go big and start prancing about with the "OMG, is he ok?!?" deal and my son gets up, both hands covering his face, and yells out "I f'd up my face!" I have still made no move to help and yell back for him to quit being such a puss. The mommies looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head and stomp off in his direction while making unseemly observations about my parenting skills. They cooed over him for a few minutes and then left without even saying good-bye to me.

    I did mention he was uphill from me, right? Much easier for him to come down to me if he really needed medical attention. Anyway, he was fine, his sunglasses took the brunt of the impact and he only had a few scrapes. The face is very vascular so all that blood just made it look worse than it really was and besides, dirt is an excellent clotting agent. So if you ladies are reading this: who's the better parent now, *****es!?!
    A man must have enemies and places he is not welcome. In the end we are not only defined by our friends but those against us.

  11. #11
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    How did we get from rant to Penthouse?

  12. #12
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    I was up at Heil this morning. I saw some deer, asked them if they wanted to hear about your rant...and they were all ears.
    Last edited by xcguy; 06-20-2012 at 05:00 AM.
    A blind man searches in a dark room for a black hat that isn't there. Dashiell Hammett

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