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  1. #1
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    How do you dads do it??

    Ok, so heres my situation, and I don't normally get personal with people I can't see and don't know but maybe thats the beauty of the forum.

    I am 27, she is 32. She wants kids before it gets risky to have them. If I marry her, I want kids before it is risky for her to have them (35 yrs old). So I either get married this fall and have kids or. . .

    I guess I am afraid of loosing all my time and never getting to ride. Its frustrating for me too because I was a stoner ski bum for 6 years with out any ambition. Then life **** happened and I finally got my ass back in school 2 years ago, have one more year to go, and have a budding career. I find myself wanting to enjoy my money and time; I would love to start racing the msc series and travel to ride "nice" bikes (since I can finally afford them).

    What do you fathers have to say about this. Sometimes I think it would be good to have kids while I am still kinda young anyway- and I figure I have plenty of years of ripping left and then could rip with my kids (if there into it

    I am trying to gain a realistic perspective of how my life will change after having a child. If I have the funding and a supportive partner, is it realistic to think I can go DHing on the weekend with the family?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by pmrider
    Ok, so heres my situation, and I don't normally get personal with people I can't see and don't know but maybe thats the beauty of the forum.

    I am 27, she is 32. She wants kids before it gets risky to have them. If I marry her, I want kids before it is risky for her to have them (35 yrs old). So I either get married this fall and have kids or. . .

    I guess I am afraid of loosing all my time and never getting to ride. Its frustrating for me too because I was a stoner ski bum for 6 years with out any ambition. Then life **** happened and I finally got my ass back in school 2 years ago, have one more year to go, and have a budding career. I find myself wanting to enjoy my money and time; I would love to start racing the msc series and travel to ride "nice" bikes (since I can finally afford them).
    Honestly, being a Dad will take away both money and time, but the payoff of enjoying what time and money you have left with those you love is worth it.

    Quote Originally Posted by pmrider
    What do you fathers have to say about this. Sometimes I think it would be good to have kids while I am still kinda young anyway- and I figure I have plenty of years of ripping left and then could rip with my kids (if there into it
    My wife talked me into having kids when we were young and poor, so that they would be out of the house while we were still young enough to have fun, and could afford to have fun. Looks like at least half of that will be true

    When the kids were smaller, I rode on my own less than I would have liked, but I started pulling each kid in the trailer when they were just a couple of months old. Kids liked it, it made me stronger, and it was a nice break for Mom, when she did not ride with us. As the kids got older, we each took a night off evey week to go ride and do stuff with friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by pmrider
    I am trying to gain a realistic perspective of how my life will change after having a child. If I have the funding and a supportive partner, is it realistic to think I can go DHing on the weekend with the family?

    Yes, it is realistic. It would be selfish to do so every weekend, but regular riding is not out of the question. Maybe you could plan family trips around riding, get some runs in each day, and still have time to do stuff with the family. As the kids get older, expect to skip rides for soccer games and other kids' activities.

  3. #3
    not actually bad :)
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    Your priorities definitely change, and if you're not ready for that, you may not be ready to have kids.
    The cool part about it (for me anyway), is once you accept it, you wouldn't have it any other way.
    As much as I love riding, and many of the other things I do, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than spend time with my family.
    Luckily for me, they love most of the things the things that I like to do. They both love the outdoors, sports and riding, so it is easy to find stuff that's fun to do and STILL be with them.
    One thing that's worked great for my wife and me is to have one night per week each, to do things yourself or with your friends - no spouse (and no - I don't mean going to the bar, etc). It is healthy for the relationship.
    Good luck!

    PS
    "If I have the funding and a supportive partner, is it realistic to think I can go DHing on the weekend with the family?"
    I am more of an XC guy, but we have taken many trips and w/ends their whole lives that involved riding (solo and family), and now that they're 11 and 14, they both still love it!
    Last edited by bad_andy; 05-22-2009 at 05:58 PM.
    Old Codger

  4. #4
    drinks from the fountain
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    Kids rule!

    Family/Children does not mean you have to give up riding. Your family will be better off if you still ride. Be a good role model! There are enough fat lazy kids around. Show them what REAL life is about.Work hard,Play hard!
    I stay at home with my son. We have become flexible.I get up early 5am and ride hard. I find sitters so i can ride.
    Trailers and tag alongs are great for training! The kids love going to the park by bike!

    Bottom line. Kids are #%%$@#%$# awesome!
    Be open minded and flexible and you will do great!
    Oh and take the kids to the races! Great experience for them. Make cycling a family sport.
    pouring like an avalanche coming down the mountain

  5. #5
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    thanks for the input so far guys!!!!

  6. #6
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    What I've found is that you make time for what you're passionate about, and drop what you did to fill time. I still ride and ski, albeit less than I used to. But I don't rock climb anymore, among other things. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

    And honestly, there's nothing more fun than having my kids ride or ski with me. Having my son wake me up to ski in the trees, or watch my daughter get totally stoked because she caught some air is just too cool!

  7. #7
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    We had our first,A set of twins I was 24 & my wife was 22 then we had our first son i was
    32 my wife was 30 i took up riding at 29 & i rode every day, After our first son was old enough i pulled him everyday up until he was around five i also pulled my twins around
    that was on training days, I would take him out & do a climb or do a long slow cruise &
    with the twins i would just cruise around town. With all this riding & pulling I was in the best
    shape of my life... From age 31-37 i raced & raced hard every weekend from local races
    to world cup & i kick ass Oh & we had are youngest son during all this zack he is know
    eleven i was 37 & my wife was 35 we are know going to baseball games & we hit up
    winter park last summer we ride evergreen mountain & hike & etc etc I guess what i'm
    saying is life will change you will change with it if there is a will there is a way .. I won more
    races with my family there than i did with them not there my son Wyatt raced when he was
    3 years old on a two wheeler i built for him he beat johnny T's kid & he was five.. Cycling
    is a family adventure, remember the happiest day's of our lives was when we saw that first bike sitting under that green tree we tossed our leg over that top tube & we were gone,
    I've done four times with my kids & it is fantastic...

  8. #8
    Old, stale, negative
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    Mine's about to turn 6 and I can't wait to ride the Colorado trail with him. Going to be a while but it's my life long dream. Drinking a beer in Durango with my kid after 10 days of pain.

  9. #9
    hehe ...you said "member"
    Reputation: jake7's Avatar
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    If you two are ready to have kids, do it.
    Being a dad is BY FAR the best part of my life.
    As for the riding - you'll make time if it's still that important ... I ride mostly at night, after mine are in bed (ages 9,8,6).
    I think everyone has already said it - as the kids/family grow, you all will change. That's the deal and what makes being part of a family so great. Do your personal interests take a back seat? Yes and no ... time and priorities change but you roll with it. Mine are now all comfortable with riding some singletrack down at BC Lake park, but it's just as much fun to go to the batting cage, skate park, driving range or shooting hoops in the driveway.
    (Warning: proud dad moment )I would give up the opportunity to ride any day of the week if it let me go to one of the kids baseball/volleyball/basketball/soccer games. watching them (I coach them too) grow and compete and have fun is the real deal - can't be explained, you just have to experience it
    my $.02
    “Me fail english? Thats unpossible.” - Matt Groening

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by cakake
    What I've found is that you make time for what you're passionate about, and drop what you did to fill time.
    Yup

    I have some friends that have no kids, not even a dog. And they dont do sh!t. They aren't passionate about the same things, I guess. If you want to ride bad enough, it'll still happen... you just have to figure out the logistics.

    I rode DC yesterday with a friend that has 2 kids. He whipped my ass up the hill, I whipped his ass down. We had a great time, and it was part of a busy day for both of us.

    The folks called last night and said they were sick, and the wife is workin all weekend... So it's me and Sunshine Sat and Sun. Got a lot of errands to run, so I'm loadin her in the Burly and I'm gonna make use of the city trail system. Like sgltrak said, kids like it (fun for me, too) and it makes me stronger.

    You have a will to ride, you shall find the way
    the drugs made me realize it's not about the drugs

  11. #11
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    Reputation: scar's Avatar
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    A huge sacrifice

    that you will wonder how you could have ever thought of not doing. I make due with the bike that I have and make the best of it. I haven't even tortured myself by opening up the "What do you have and what do you want?" thread to see all the bike everybody else has that I don't. Just have to look at my kids, that they don't have, to make me happy.

  12. #12
    Go SOLAR...
    Reputation: larlev's Avatar
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    I had my 2 girls around age 30. What's great now is both of them ride with me all the time...they are 8 and 6. You will lose somethings, but gain many, many, more.

    There is nothing better in this world than holding your kid and having them lay their little head on your shoulder, and hug you tight....or when they smile back up at you.

    Whatever you do....be in the right mindset, you won't be doing anyone any favors if your not mentally ready to have them.

  13. #13
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    I have 3 girls, 2, 4 and 7. I was able to keep riding pretty good until the third one came. The jump from 2-3 kids is non-linear. After a 2 year break from riding (and getting fat), I am "making my comeback" this season. "How do I do it"? Alcohol mostly.

    Its funny, when I take the kids riding I have a little train setup. Bike -> Trail Bike -> Burly. Sadly, I am having the hardest time teaching my 7 year old to ride. She is scared and gives up easily. So she is still on the Trail bike (where my 4 year old should be) which demotes the 4 year old to the burly with the 2 year old.

    Oh yeah, almost forgot... buying the lights is the best thing I did. Being able to go for a ride "after bedtime" has really expanded my riding opportunities.

  14. #14
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    I noticed

    you begin by saying "if" i marry her. You really should decide on that part first You guys are way young and have plenty of time. Unless a doctor has told you to, I wouldn't be looking at age 35 as a deadline.

  15. #15
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    My 2 cents: Nobody on mtbr is going to tell you if you're ready to get married or have children. I sure wasn't when I was 27. It took me 15 years of ski bumming and doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted before I was ready to consider it. We had our first child when I was 35 and my wife was 36. for us it was perfect timing. We continue to ski and ride. My daughter took her first camping trip to fruita when she was 6 months old. The big sacrifice is that my wife and I don't ride together as much anymore. One of us rides and the other hangs with our daughter. We use the same aproach to skiing. I can't imagine life without our daughter and have no regrets about less time on my bike, missed powder days or anything else. Yes, the complications associated with childbirth increase with age but you have plenty of time. Don't rush. Make sure you're ready for that huge step and you won't ever look back!
    Rock!

  16. #16
    That's what she said
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    Getting married is a BIG commitement have kids is even bigger. Getting married did not really take away from riding, but having kids sure did. Does it take away from riding....sure, but I would not trade riding everyday again if it meant taking my kids away. If you are not prepared to make sacrifices to your lifestyle, then you are not ready to have kids.

    I used to ride almost everyday in the summer, now maybe twice a week. I am ok with it and get real excited knowing that my son/daughter is getting old enough to take on the sport themselves. Knowing that one day I can ride with my son or daughter is better than any ride I have ever had.

    Sometimes I don't always get to choose the times I ride but will take what I can get. Getting up at 5:00 am on a Saturday morning to hit buffalo creek does not always make me happy when the alarm goes off, however when I hit the trail at 6:00 and NOBODY is around, I sure am smiling.

    There will be sacrifices and your ride time will decrease but it is all worth it to me.

  17. #17
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    thanks for the great input everybody!! I appreciate it As far as us being young to wait- doc kinda suggested for us - 35 yrs old is a good cut off for her-- for better or worse -- so I have big decisions to make, and besides I do think it might be better then my current winters of taking 15 credits hrs and working full time. At least my time suck won't suck w/ kids like it does w/ homework I think mabey I just need a garage gym and a pump track/ dj's in the back yard (if I can find a yard big enough) and I could be quite content!

  18. #18
    a dad
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    the one thing that hasn't been mentioned that I feel is important.. Does your girlfriend, possibly future wife, support/value/encourage your riding? does she ride too? Sometimes I have seen that as a detriment if the partner doesn't share the passion, or have one of their own..

    Like many have said, its about finding the time and for me I gave up other sports because I felt mtn biking was the one I had the most passion for..
    BBZ

    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy - Benjamin Franklin

  19. #19
    ride, eat, live
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    agree with billybpbzia. it matters. i got lucky and my wife wants and encourages me to ride because she knows it makes me happy and then i make her happy....a virtuous cycle! kids are a major commitment and i do ride less, but the trade off is amazing....i absolutely love being a dad and do not miss the few rides i skip because it's so amazing to enjoy time with my kids. that said....there are times where you want to ride but can't because the kids need watching and they are holy terrors and make you want to get a vasectomy...but those are rare occasions.

    things that are worthwhile in life take hard work, effort, and sacrifice. a healthy marriage and family is infinitely worthwhile IMHO and it is tough work at times but the rewards far outweigh the trade-offs.
    i'm the man from nantucket

  20. #20
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    post pics of you girlfriend and we'll let you know
    - 1995 Giant ATX 870
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  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric Z
    post pics of you girlfriend and we'll let you know
    haha

    anyway- ya she is supportive of my riding. She even started to get into it so she could spend more time w/ me (which was good and bad kinda) but. . . she really likes downhilling and never cares that I take off and run a few laps by myself. maybe she will learn to like trail riding as much as I do-- but I think as far as being my wife, she would continue to encourage me to ride

  22. #22
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    Couple of thoughts - two kiddos - 2.5 yrs and 3 months. I'm still in the thick of it.

    It is definitely harder to find time to ride, not only family logistics, but also since I want to hang out with them on weekends. At least for now, the half-day excursions to Buff Creek, Summit Co., etc. are pretty much out of the question, but I can still squeeze in shorter rides during kids naps or early in the morning on the weekends. (Moving to Golden certainly helped on that part!!).

    It's absolutely a tradeoff, and totally worth it. What made me get psyched when it was time to think of having kiddos was the thought of still being young enough to rip it up with my kids when they're older.

    Lastly, buy a new bike before having kids (my mistake). That kind of extra dough just isn't around anymore. Despite all the cool new gear out there, I seem to find that my old hardtail bike still works just fine and I'm happy to be riding.

    Now, back to dad duties...

  23. #23
    mtbr member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pmrider
    haha

    anyway- ya she is supportive of my riding. She even started to get into it so she could spend more time w/ me (which was good and bad kinda) but. . . she really likes downhilling and never cares that I take off and run a few laps by myself. maybe she will learn to like trail riding as much as I do-- but I think as far as being my wife, she would continue to encourage me to ride
    as others have said, getting married is a big change. having a child is even bigger. you usually don't have as much money (especially if your or your lady stays at home with the little one) and you definitely don't have as much time. this isn't all bad though- you really have to have the appropriate expectations. if you go into it where you think you can ride and do whatever you want all the time, you may be in for a big reality check.

    it's of course important for you to have a supportive spouse- goes both ways too (no, not that way- even though that's pretty cool ). my wife is wonderful and allows me to do a lot of the stuff i want to do, but it is give and take as well.

    having a child is a huge change- it's no longer about you or your spouse. honestly, it's the most gratifying and amazing thing i've ever experienced- it's also more fun than i ever thought it would be. you have to have a good attitude though. it's amazing to see my little guy get on his bike and have fun. he also sometimes just likes to watch me ride past ride as he stands in the yard.

    as someone else said, just be sure you are 100% committed- marriage can be hard enough even with both parties giving everything they can. if you haven't already, talk your concerns over with your girl- be open and tell her your fears- may as well get those out in the open now.

    enjoy and good luck!
    ez
    - 1995 Giant ATX 870
    - 2011 Salsa El Mariachi XL
    - 2011 Kona Unit (singlespeed) XL

  24. #24
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    seeing him on this thing is pretty cool!!
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    - 1995 Giant ATX 870
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    - 2011 Kona Unit (singlespeed) XL

  25. #25
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    kids are awesome

    We just got back from Fruita tonight. We rode Rustler's Loop as a family on Saturday for the first time. Samantha is 7 and Jax is 4. Uphills were not that easy (walked most). Some downhills were a little scary (little tires over big rocks). They were the youngest kids out there and boy are we proud of them for toughing it out and wanting to do it again. The rest of the trip was the wife and I doing as many laps as fast as we could at Loma- we'd either take turns or drop each other off. Key was focus on the kid fun- and making sure the wife got enough rides in. I was out in April on a boys trip so this was a bonus.

    You have alot to think about- getting married and having kids are two things that take some serious effort and major give and take. You'll be last in line all the time- wife and kids first, and you won't mind a bit. But this takes time and perspective, translated major life change. I'd do it again without question. Best!
    mountainswin
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