I really have just one question for you. Do you hate me? It has come to my attention that you decided on Christmas to purchase your granddaughter a toy called the Furby. I had noticed that after the 21st of December, things around my house were getting pretty strange. I searched the house high and low searching for the source of the demonic voices I kept hearing. I even thought about self medicating with some psychotropic drugs to make the sounds go away. I changed every 9v battery in every smoke detector in the house and sprayed WD-40 on every surface. I even thought maybe I had a pigeons nest with newborns in the chimney. What could possibly be making these sounds? The dog seemed to be different and the cat started to pee in weird places. Was it my imagination? Was I having late onset of schizophrenia? After 4 nights of no sleep and endless searching, there it was! In front of my eyes the whole time. My daughter ripped at the box as the little possessed furball made barfing and farting noises. The box flew open and all I could see were two bright eyes staring at me. This damn thing was taunting me, daring me to pick it up. "Shake me" it would say along with "feed me". I am totally confused at this point. What is the purpose of this toy? Why would you give this as a present? Does the CIA use these in interrogations at Guantanamo Bay? If there is no on/off switch, did the FAA make Santa take special precautions during his flight as not to interfere with electronic equipment? So in closing, I would like to remind you that I will ultimately be deciding which "senior living" home you will most likely be placed in. This is not a threat but a mere indication of the power that will be entitled to me as you descend further into the depths of old age.
Merry Christmas and thank you.
P.S.- Just as I had predicted, the Furby does not float! It is strangely silent and your granddaughter has been told it is in "hibernation" mode!
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Thread: An open letter to grandparents.
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