An open letter to grandparents.

[pmarshall]

Dear Grandpa,

I really have just one question for you. Do you hate me? It has come to my attention that you decided on Christmas to purchase your granddaughter a toy called the Furby. I had noticed that after the 21st of December, things around my house were getting pretty strange. I searched the house high and low searching for the source of the demonic voices I kept hearing. I even thought about self medicating with some psychotropic drugs to make the sounds go away. I changed every 9v battery in every smoke detector in the house and sprayed WD-40 on every surface. I even thought maybe I had a pigeons nest with newborns in the chimney. What could possibly be making these sounds? The dog seemed to be different and the cat started to pee in weird places. Was it my imagination? Was I having late onset of schizophrenia? After 4 nights of no sleep and endless searching, there it was! In front of my eyes the whole time. My daughter ripped at the box as the little possessed furball made barfing and farting noises. The box flew open and all I could see were two bright eyes staring at me. This damn thing was taunting me, daring me to pick it up. "Shake me" it would say along with "feed me". I am totally confused at this point. What is the purpose of this toy? Why would you give this as a present? Does the CIA use these in interrogations at Guantanamo Bay? If there is no on/off switch, did the FAA make Santa take special precautions during his flight as not to interfere with electronic equipment? So in closing, I would like to remind you that I will ultimately be deciding which "senior living" home you will most likely be placed in. This is not a threat but a mere indication of the power that will be entitled to me as you descend further into the depths of old age.

Merry Christmas and thank you.

Your son,

Paul

P.S.- Just as I had predicted, the Furby does not float! It is strangely silent and your granddaughter has been told it is in "hibernation" mode!

[sirkrameroy]

Sounds like someone needs to go for a ride...

[Carl Hungus]

Don't get them wet. They multiply that way.

[Davey Simon]

[wyatt79m]

Haha' great post...one showed up at my house as well...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I957 using Tapatalk 2

[Froride1]

I'm sure it's a little payback for all the stuff you pulled as a kid. I have a feeling you were a problem child, sort of like you are now. Anyway, they are probably tipping back a few and having a good laugh at your expense. I need to get one of those for my nephew, my sister would never forgive me.

[Buzzaro]

Could be worse. My kids grandparents enjoy teaching him "cute" things. Like flushing the toilet, which it turns out is required every 10 minutes. Also cute, is using doorknobs and defeating child safety latches. Because of this our house alarm has to have the "chime" activated. This means an alarm sounds every time a door is opened. I believe it was a sound intended to be pleasing. It is not.

[pmarshall]

I know nobody on here really cares but I have good news to report! The FURBY passed away! Although I wished it had a DNR (Do not Recuscitate) order it did not. I tried new batteries, shook the heck out of it and banged it on the kitchen counter. Flat line. It was being Furby sat by some friends and I am going to assume it was not a neglect issue. I figure this is an investigation not worth pursuing and leaving as it is. An unattended death. Good bye Furby. I never really cared for you and don't care that grandpa paid $70 for you. My daughter is currently building a coffin for it and playing "funeral director" with her friends. I am so proud. I am so grateful to the quality control person at the factory in China for letting this particular one continue down the line. Now do we tell Grandpa or just leave well enough alone?

Happy Daddy!!