Dear Diary,
My name is rt and I am a glutton for punishment. Last Sunday I did a race that took me longer to ride than I spend at my desk on a typical work day. I climbed almost as many feet as a TdF rider in the Alps (but without the help of banned substances), and ended up spending 2 days on the couch recovering.
The worst part about it is I could have predicted this. After all, it’s not the first time I’ve done this race. But hey, at least this time the weather and conditions couldn’t have been better
I even managed to ride without any mechanical mishaps, crashes or other similar disasters, or encounters with bees or other
stinging creatures.
But still…you’d think I’d learn!
I mean, really, how many people would look at this description and think, ‘hey! That looks like a great way to spend a free Sunday.’???

[SIZE="1"]i particularly like "many riders have retired their biking efforts after competing in this race"

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Right. Now ask yourself, how many people would do that, learn how miserably painful it is, and still go back year after year for more?????
I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent adult (probably a misperception), and yet despite knowing that I’m going to wish for death somewhere around mile 45 and want to sell my bike to the lowest bidder immediately after crossing the finish line, I continue to show up at the Off Road Assault on Mt. Mitchell.
For the week leading up to the race m-m, his brother Kevin, and I watched the weather like a cast of hawks (yes, a group of hawks is called a “cast”. I looked it up). Kevin would be doing ORAMM for the first time. M-m is still out of racing commission due to knee issues but agreed to come up as support and entertain himself on a long road ride on the Blue Ridge Parkway while Kevin and I rode over Pisgah hill and dale.

the top of a 19 mile climb for m-m
Rather than embark on the futile path of trying to find a reasonably priced hotel in the middle of Pisgah Forest, and having learned my lesson about camping close enough to ride to the race (ORAMM rept 1), I opted for a hotel in the booming metropolis of Morganton, NC. This required that we drive up SC-18 for long enough that we all began to hear dualing banjos and the guys started hearing ghostly whispers of “Boy, you got a purdy mouth…”
We checked into the hotel at 9:30 pm and were out by 7 then next morning. With a 30 minute drive to Old Fort, we were pushing things very, very close to the 7:45 am rider meeting and 8:00 am start time. Usually I like to be at the race venue at least an hour before the start. I broke every speed limit on the way to Old Fort and still managed to miss the prerace meeting as I threw any last minute things I might need into my pockets and camelbak. Going to the prerace meeting might have been useful as it would have alerted me to the fact that the route had changed from the last time I raced and the distance/my time to my 1st planned stop would be significantly longer than in previous years and thus would require more food/liquid. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?
Kevin and I tucked in toward the back of the pack of 450 riders to wait for the start.
My theory was that it didn’t really matter where I started because I would be spending the first 40 minutes warming up and had no plans to try to hang with the front group as they hammered the starting section of pavement toward the first bit of dirt. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hades that I would be among the first to hit the dirt so I might as well just ride my own race.
In retrospect, this was a mistake. We could have easily moved forward in the crowd and been mid-pack to start which would have put us in amongst the more seasoned racers who would be more likely to ride than walk when things got jammed up. Foresight, however, is not 20/20.
8:10 am: Todd, the man responsible for this sufferfest, yelled “GO!” and we……………………………………stood there.
Maybe 45 seconds later my portion of the field finally started to move. We were off.
Kevin stuck with me as we set a sedate warm-up pace and moved up through the field. In past years we started with 3 miles of pavement before hitting the climb up Old 70 to the base of Kitsuma where 12 brutal switchbacks would take us to the first technical descent of the day. However since last year, (should have gone to the prerace meeting), Old 70 has been closed and the race would now circumnavigate the base of Kitsuma with 4 additional miles of pavement before any dirt would be seen.
I chatted a bit with, R, the women’s SS winner of the Cowbell Challenge 12 hr race as we cruised along. We would continue to see each other for most of the day. R, you are a stud-ette completing this race on an SS!!
We passed Andrews Geyser and finally saw the turn off the pavement onto dirt. Ahhh….dirt. Into the singletrack and WHAM! We came to a screeching halt to the tune of a traffic jam that closely resembled I-285 on a holiday weekend.

mmm...feel the traffic-y love
I’m on dirt and I’m standing still. WTH? Why? Why?! WHY are we standing still???? The line of dismounted riders begins to move and we shuffle along over totally rideable singletrack. Then we stop. Then we shuffle along again. I could cry looking at all this great singletrack that I am being forced to walk. Finally, I can’t stand it anymore and I get on my bike and begin to ride. “Rider back!” Walkers move over and I am able to ride up to the next point where people are stopped dead in their tracks. Well, that got me exactly nowhere but at least I got to ride my bike to nowhere.
At last I see the cause of the traffic jam: a 50’ stupid-steep, unrideable hike-a-bike section. Ah. Well, that explains everything. At the top of the hike-a-bike the trail levels out and I am back on my bike. It is still crowded and things back up but at least most of my forward momentum is on the bike rather than next to it.
Out of the singletrack and back onto pavement. Sharp left turn and onto gravel. This road will take us up to the base of Kitsuma. Switch backs here I come.
I surprise myself by riding many of the switchbacks that I remember as being impossible. One thing I have noticed this year is that my technical skills have taken a quantum leap. I have always been a decent, albeit cautious, technical rider but I am now finding that I can clean technical climbs and decents that in the past were unrideable for me. After 10 years of riding it’s nice to see that I can still make noticeable progress in my skills/abilities.
Once again the singletrack is clogged with walking riders but people are generally accommodating to riders back and I have only a few mishaps where my front tire bumps someone’s rear tire as they suddenly stop dead in their tracks. We form an assembly line to get people over the giant tree that is lying diagonally across the trail. Fortunately, there are no pictures of my very ungraceful climb over the trunk of the tree.
The descent off Kitsuma is challenging and technical, I am forced to walk a short rutted out steep section because of the traffic but am back on my bike for the drop off the waterbar and the remainder of the descent that takes you past thick rhododendrons on 6” wide, scary exposed and sometimes off-camber singletrack.
I’m having too much fun but the additional road miles have added 45 minutes to my estimated ride time to the first checkpoint. Nevertheless, I continue past checkpoint 1 and stick to my plan of stopping only twice: at checkpoints 2 and 3.
Another hour passes as I climb Star Gap, ride the ridgeline, and admire the views.
There is a dark cloud to my left but blue sky abounds. I can feel my camelbak getting light and I have eaten all my gels. I hope I get to the 2nd checkpoint soon since I’m getting hungry.
Another 10 min pass. Definitely hungry now. Not just a little hungry but REALLY hungry!! I have some jerky in a ziploc bag in my jersey pocket. Do you know how hard it is to descend while trying to open a Ziploc bag and extract a small fragment of jerky while wearing full-finger cycling gloves? Let me tell you, it’s not easy. But it is much easier than trying to eat jerky through a plastic bag!
Ahh, the jerkey does the trick and in another 10 minutes I roll into checkpoint 2 where my cooler awaits me.
A bottle of endurox, refill the camelbak bladder, 4 more gels for the pockets, a shot of pickle juice (mmm…salty), a package of crackers in my pocket and 8 minutes later I’m heading off for the long, painful climb up Curtis Creek Rd. Some call this climb the climb of death. Others call it the climb from h3ll. But regardless of what you call it the road climbs 2600’ in 9 brutal miles.
This climb sucks, and seriously makes you consider joining Vino on his doping rampage. It’s 100% gravel road, long, boring, steep at times, boring, long, and did I mention boring? I sit. I stand. Parts of me go numb. I wish for a moving sidewalk, a rope tow, an act of God to put me out of my small world of climbing misery. R on her singlespeed passes me seated and spinning. Ouch. I stand. I sit. At least the sun is out.
Then suddenly, there’s the gate! Only a few hundred meters to the top and my second cooler. 1:05 to go from checkpoint 2 to 3. I’ve planned for this to be my 2nd and last stop for the day. Half a turkey sandwich, more pickle juice, I can’t face another bottle of endurox so I leave it, one of those ½ cans of Pepsi (mmm, bubbles, sugar & caffine), get rid of empty gel packs and replace with new ones, a new/full camelbak bladder, lube the chain. Best of all, fresh gloves. Ahhhhh! About 10 minutes later I’m ready to head off and belch my way through the rest of the race.

parkway view thanks to Duckman
By now Kevin is ahead of me. I see him briefly at the top of Curtis Creek Rd but he is long gone before I head out. It’s chilly up here at 4100’ and I wish I’d thought to put my vest into my cooler instead of my rain jacket (which would be much too warm). We take a new route this year and instead of a well deserved 3 mile gravel road descent we turn left onto the pavement of the Blue Ridge Parkway for 7 miles of tarmac.
Immediately the road turns up. Why are we climbing again?????

I begin to curse Todd, his progeny, and anyone remotely associated with him. I talk out loud to myself as I grind out the gradual ascent, ‘how much do you want to bet we’re going be climbing for SEVEN F(*^$)ING MORE MILES??’ (Note: please remember that at this point I have been on my bike for about 5 hours and 6000’ of climbing. It is perfectly rational behavior to talk out loud to oneself after 5 hrs/6000’ of climbing.)
At last the road turns downward. I tuck into an aero position that would make Zabriskie envious and conserve as much energy as possible as I fly past the 4th checkpoint willing the pavement to continue on its downward trajectory. Nope, it once again turns up and I grind out the last mile of parkway pavement mumbling epithets to myself.
A sharp left turn, and just because we haven’t been punished enough there is a 200 m vile hike-a-bike up what I swear is a cliff wall. I’m tired, I hate life, riding a mountain bike sucks, and the very last thing in the world I want to do is push said mountain bike up the side of a rooty, rocky POS 65 degree incline. The only consolation is I know that once I get to the top I have one of the best descents in Pisgah waiting for me: Heartbreak ridge – 3500’ of descending in 7 miles.
I slog up the incline and curse Todd and all his relations some more. At the top I waste no time getting back on the bike to begin the fun. Usually by the time I get to this point in the race I am so tired that it’s hard to enjoy the descent but despite my fatigue this year I am not so tired that I don’t have fun.
My HRM reads 6.5 hours in as I begin the descent. It’s fun, it’s fast, it’s skinny, it’s exposed. I go as fast as my cautious self allows. Now for the switchbacks. I make more than I have to walk. My triceps are screaming ‘NO MAS!’ but I ignore them. All too soon it is over. I pass the last checkpoint without stopping.
I’m 7 hrs in. All that’s left is a 4 mile gravel road climb, the 12 switchback climb up Kitsuma, a screaming, technical singletrack descent and then 3 miles of pavement back to town.
There’s a fork in the road. A sign on the left fork has a large X and says “wrong”. A little arrow on the pavement points to the right fork. Uhhhhhhh…………..I ride in a circle while my brain processes this information. Another racer comes along and says, ‘go right!’. Oh. Yeah. I knew that. We chat for a bit and then each of us returns to our own ‘quiet place’ to suffer in silence. He pulls ahead of me but I keep a steady pace and eventually catch and pass him.
I make it to the top of the gravel road climb. Only the switchbacks to go then it’s all down hill. Exhausted riders litter the climb up Kitsuma. I pass cramping riders, riders pushing their bikes, riders losing their gels (the racing equivalent of losing one’s lunch). I’m tired but am still able to ride more efficiently than walk. I swear the rhododendrons have taken steroids and overgrown the trail in the past 7 hrs and the trail is now even skinnier than it was in the morning.
I desperately want to finish in 8 hrs. This race took me 8:50 in the rain two years ago. I’d love to cut 50 minutes off my time. I crest the top of Kitsuma at about 7.5 hrs. I look at my HRM and say “Now’s the time to open it up and let it roll!!”
I fly down the Kitsuma descent, yelling ‘RIDER BACK!’ when I see racers walking ahead. Still talking out loud I fly through the rutted out technical section, ‘I hope I don’t die!!!!’, and log drop, ‘Oooops! Nose wheelie!’, and continue on. I have to slow to get over the downed logs that have settled off camber on the narrow trail and once again require help to get over the giant tree. My triceps have had it and every bump in the trail makes me cringe. The descent seems to take forever but I pop out at Andrews Geyser at 8 hrs even.
Only 3 miles of pavement to go and I am done!! I put my head down and concentrate on turning the pedals over. Knobby tires whirr against the tarmac. I can see 3 riders ahead of me and push as hard as I can to catch up. As I get closer I can see that one of the riders is Kevin! I haven’t seen him since the 3rd checkpoint, about 4 hrs ago. I push that much harder to try to catch up to his group.
I’m still 10 bike lengths off the back of Kevin’s group when I see the 1 mile to go sign.
Less than a mile now.
A few more turns and I hear m-m call my name!
He is back from his ride and sitting, camera in hand, waiting for our return.

pavement flew by beneath m-m's wheels
1 block to go.
Down the final stretch and into the finish area.
“headsupheadsupheadsup!!” I yell to a spectator who is wandering down the finishing straight – my arms hurt too much to squeeze the brakes. Kevin is just ahead of me as we cross the line.
8:09
62 miles, 10,000’ climbing (by my HRM)
40 minutes faster than 2 years ago and good enough for 4th place in Women’s Masters.

love the guy yawning behind me!
Congrats to Kevin for finishing his first ORAMM in a very respectable 8:08.
Not to mention Kevin was the amazingly lucky winner of a brand new set of Industry Nine wheels.

Kevin does the happy dance with his mr. pibb
M-m and I considered killing him and dumping the body on the way home so that we could claim the wheels but better sense took over and Kevin made it home safely.
Many thanks to Todd for setting up a fun route and putting on an amazing event. Thanks also to Lee at Peachtree Bikes for working some incredible magic and getting my back brake functioning. I seriously, couldn’t have done this race without your mechanical genius. I owe you! And finally, thanks to the many people who commented on my race report that is posted on the ORAMM website. It’s nice to know that people enjoy my ramblings.

stinky gloves anyone?
rt