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  1. #1
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    How to get the wife to agree?

    This may be somewhat straight forward, but others may be able to share some insight as to what worked for them.

    I brought up "buying us a couple of bikes" to my wife, and she looked at me funny and chuckled and said, "I haven't ridden a bike since I was 12." So I was completely so far off to even think that she would even think about wanting to cruise some trails (or even around town for that matter). This also hurts my ability to be able to get deeper into the sport if she wants nothing to do with it. We're the type of couple who enjoys doing things together. We always have. We don't ever go out separately, and we rarely do something that the other one doesn't want to do. Which is kind of a shame sometimes because, I like to hike and ride mountain bikes on trails, and she doesn't. So this alone makes no sense to her as to why I would want to invest any money into buying a bike and actually take trips to different trails. We do like to camp, and here in Northern Nevada there are tons of campgrounds set up right at trailheads. But for us to go there and me to be like, "Okay, see ya later," wouldn't go over very well.

    I understand that there are easy trails that wouldn't be too strenuous for her, but how to even get to that point? How to convince her it would be something fun to try?

    I still have one trick left up my sleeve. Her daughter. She's 15. I am of course step-dad. I recently got a bike (nothing fancy whatsover) and she has a bike (nothing fancy either), but I think the guilt trip of us going on rides without mom will eventually win mom over into letting me get her something.

    Any suggestions? Similar stories?

  2. #2
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    dont have sex with her until she goes on a ride with you. that'll teach her.

  3. #3
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    Interesting idea, but I think it will work against my goal faster than it will for it.

  4. #4
    Muffler Bearings
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    Dont push into doing something that she is not into. She will start having resentment towards you. Just have fun and ride, if she sees you having fun, she will be more into trying it out with you.

    Trust me, been there buddy.

  5. #5
    Bebe's Dad
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    Let's see...

    you said; "I brought up "buying us a couple of bikes" to my wife, and she looked at me funny and chuckled and said, "I haven't ridden a bike since I was 12." So I was completely so far off to even think that she would even think about wanting to cruise some trails (or even around town for that matter)".
    O.K. so you've, "planted the seed", now you wait a day or two and you bring it up again. I'd suggest mentioning the logic behind your desire to camp, hike, etc...biking kinda' ties into that...don't you agree?

  6. #6
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    tell her shes looking pretty pudgy these days, maybe she could use some excercise/a bike ride

  7. #7
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    I just purchased a second bike, and My wife asked "so are you gonna lower the seat on (old Bike) so we can ride around" GREAT!!!!!!

    I ride AM,well as AM as you can in FL. But was planning on setting up the old one as a commuter. So for my wife its roads today, trails tomorrow......Im not holding my breath.

    I agree with racer, dont push it, ive been re-riding for about 4yrs though bi weekly now for 5 months. she will want to enjoy it with you. If not Christmas and the sales are right around the corner. better then buying her a vacuum :-)
    Darn another Root...Pedal, pedal, pedal.....

  8. #8
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    If your wife isn't interested don't push her into it. But don't let that stop you from riding.

    My wife doesn't ride but has no problem with my riding. It wasn't always that way though. Like you and your wife, we used to be one of those couples that always does things together. After 10 years or so, however, we had pretty much OD'd on each other and were at each others throats. That's when we realized that she needed her thing, I needed my thing, and we needed to give each other time to do those things. We still spend a lot of time together, with and w/o our 5yo daughter, we're just not joined at the hip anymore.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by gitCHu ONe
    But for us to go there and me to be like, "Okay, see ya later," wouldn't go over very well.

    Suck it up and get used to it...we all have. Frankly, my wife has her activities and I have mine. We have tried joining in on each others and we both cam e to the conclusion that each others sucks. So we meet in the middle. Trust me when I say she won't be happy when you leave the house Saturday morning at 7 am and don't return until near dark, but she'll get over it.


    Now that being said, I have friends whose wives MTB with us and its not the same as a day in the bush with the boys.

  10. #10
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    Here's hoping! Thanks for the suggestions.

  11. #11
    discombobulated SuperModerator
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    My wife knew I wanted a bike, but didnt know the $$ factor. In the end anything over her idea of 'enough' ($400) came out of another hobby. Luckily I had a pile of stuff from that hobby to sell. And then sell some more. All told it was a couple grand in the 'mad money paypal account'..
    CDT

  12. #12
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    another thing to think of ... if you do get her into riding .. and she does enjoy it ... there goes one more activity that you can go do 'on your own' for when you need to escape for a while ...

    what, at one time, was something fun that you looked forward to ... suddenly has become a chore because of who is going with you ...

    i gave up on getting my wife on a bike, i just tell her bye when i am leavin ... and haul ass out the door ... and listen to her ***** when i get back.

  13. #13
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    If anyone had ever asked me to go mtn biking I woulda told them they were crazy. I got into it by total accident. I love the challenge.

    If she likes to camp, likes to be in the woods, how can she not like riding a bike through the woods? I'm too lazy for long hikes, but riding you can go far with less effort. So you are getting the bikes to take camping cause she doesn't like to hike and you can go farther and see more that way.

  14. #14
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    I got the kids interested, and then she didn't want to be left out of the fun. At first, she didn't want to ride anything except fire roads. That was fine, then she progressed and I took her on easy single track. Now we're into moderate single track, when we ride together. Other times, I'll take our son on harder stuff, and she'll take our daughter on easier stuff, and we'll arrange to meet at a trail junction. It's all good.

  15. #15
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    Just like furniture and women...rent before you own.
    Rent a bike for the day and see if she really likes it.

  16. #16
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    I was in the same situation when i got my quad. (I know this is a MTB forum, But hear me out. I went through this with my first MTB a couple of months ago also) I bothered my wife for about 6 months that I wanted to buy a quad and to no luck, the answer was no. I live in an area that I can go riding outside my door and don't have to trailer anywhere. After I said the hell with it and purchased one anyway. She was pissed at first, but soon got over it. She enjoys watching me take the kids for a ride. When I decided to get into biking it was the same thing. She is not an outdoor trek through the woods person so I got a bunch of you know what when I told her that I was buying a MTB to go riding. I did not go out and buy a top of the line bike mind you, I bought an entry level so that the price was not to bad. She eventually got over it again and enjoys watching the kids and myself go for rides.

    If it is something that you want to do then go do it and buy what you can afford. You already approached her about it and told her it is something that you want to do. She really doesn't have a right to tell you that you can't and my personal belief is that we need our own activities as well as having activities together. I have been married for 10 yrs know. She sees it differently, but understands who I am. Just my 2 cents.

  17. #17
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    Sounds kind of familiar. I did my best to bring my wife to mountain biking and even had some success, however limited and temporary. By the way, my wife was once a competitive rock climber and has always been in good shape. Besides, she comes from a small town, where bicycle used to be the main means of transportation. Still, I failed to make her love biking. She would ride with me - doing me a favor, but nothing more than that. Even though she rode no worse, than my male buddies. Eventually, I gave in and had to get her a country club subscription instead(at cost of a very decent bike!) - so now she can push pedals on a spinning bike in an air conditioned room .
    So each one of us has his/her own activity, we can do it when and how we want to - anyway, having some distance between us from time to time won't harm, in my opinion.

  18. #18
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    Sounds like ya'll may be newlyweds, I had similar issues with my "outdoor" pursuits years ago. We been married almost 20 years now, my wife still not interested in any of it (camping, kayaking, biking). Some gals are just girly girls, home decor, hair, nails, etc. If you gots a girly girl, then that's cool, she's probably keepin your nest in order. She probably also trying to keep you in order, I call it the "nesting phenomena", it's biology bro. That said, I was slowly given my freedom to enjoy my outdoor pursuits - I take the nephew sometimes, go with friends, but often bike alone. If you got the two wheel bug, it probably ain't gonna go away, just take it slow on the "separate adventures" dealy. I can remember my wife saying, "I guess I will go on some trips with my friends", etc. If you end up getting to mountain bike your way, and get to return to a happy nest each time - Dude, then you have achieved the Male American Dream.

  19. #19
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    My wife will be going back to work this year after taking care of the kids for 8 1/2 yrs. This will free me up to pursue my 2 hobbies that I enjoy. I will now be able to have me time with out sacrificing family time. the one great thing about working shift is I get a lot of time off during the week.

  20. #20
    jalopy jockey
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    believe it or not the do your thing let her do her's advise is what worked for me. and no not for me to ride while she does scrap booking or some other thing. I rode trail 1-2 days a week and towed the kids another 1-2 without her usually while she did her thing 1-2 nights a week. After while she wanted to a go with on a rail trail ride with the kids, a little later she wanted to join me on my no drop group ride on her huffy comfort bike no less. she loved it. here we are a year later and we just took her trek 4500 into the shop for some work. The LBS wasn't sure they had the part in stock so while they figured that out we were working on plan B. We were down to the Redline monocog flight or paragon. She was looking for a reason to upgrade big time.

    bottom line my letting here be and enjoying myself resulted in her desire to make her well used and loved mountain bike a back-up within a year. And she was not an active person before we met. But mountain biking just called to her when she was ready.

    Go ride your bike let her be.

  21. #21
    gravity fighter
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    I will second the suggestion of renting a bike for your wife a few times to see if she will get into it.
    I did the "lets both get bikes" thing two years ago, and I think my wife has clocked about 20 hours of riding time in those two years (those have been a costly 20 hours).
    If I had it to do over, I would have bought myself a much nicer bike and just rented a bike for her on those rare occasions when the planets align (not too hot, cold, windy, etc..) and she wants to ride with me.
    Now don't get me wrong, we love spending time together, but when she agrees to go biking, there is that feeling of her doing me a favor.
    Theres nothing wrong with mountain biking being your thing. Enjoy your alone time!

  22. #22
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    You can not do everything together. Honestly, each person needs a hobby and time apart.
    ( this is not to be mean to anyone it is just how it is)
    I fish for fun,i also fish tournaments, I now MTN bike when I can. I have my own hobbies and so does my wife, even if she is not interested in what I do o well, she does her thing I do mine and we still have plenty of US time together.

    Remember just because you are married does not mean you are permanently attached at the hip. This is an issue you need to sit down and talk about and it goes much deeper then MTN biking
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  23. #23
    pedal pusher
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    Sounds to me like your wife makes the decisions. Get your balls out of her purse, sew them back on, buy yourself a bike, and go enjoy your youth while you still have it.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by f3rg
    Sounds to me like your wife makes the decisions. Get your balls out of her purse, sew them back on, buy yourself a bike, and go enjoy your youth while you still have it.
    Interesting because I just read another thread on here about a dude who just had a vasectomy because his wife told him she didn't want anymore children. Seriously WTF is this world coming too? Men everywhere are just handing their balls over and turning themselves into something that isn't quiite a man anymore.
    =)

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnjamieson
    dont have sex with her until she goes on a ride with you. that'll teach her.
    Are we allowed to do that???

  26. #26
    Ride Responsibly
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    agree with those who mentioned that you should have hobbies that you do just because you want to, even if the little lady does not share in that endeavor.
    Your wish for riding together has the flaw that she has to agree, do not push her. If your daughter wants to ride then by all means enjoy her company.
    Do not feel bad about leaving the wife to ride, she is a big girl and can keep herself entertained, if not then you are in for a rough marriage.

  27. #27
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    if she doesnt like hiking what do you do when you camp???
    Let The Good Times Roll

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hippienflipflops
    if she doesnt like hiking what do you do when you camp???
    Whatever she instructs him to.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by f3rg
    Whatever she instructs him to.

    geez, got issues?
    Love, Impy

  30. #30
    RTK
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    first i had trouble getting the girlfriend off my back to buy my mountain bike and now I've been looking at some road bikes and she's sh***** a brick because i want to buy another bike and the fact that i can ride my mountain bike on the road, she doesn't understand that a mountain bike is a lot harder to ride on roads then a "road" bike with inch wide tires, super light, and huge gears. hahah how do i get her to change her mind

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hippienflipflops
    if she doesnt like hiking what do you do when you camp???
    Pray/Meditate that you have a super plush R.V. that consumes more diesel fuel than an AMTRACK train, to make her Paris Hiltion %)((* @$Z happy.

    The more realistic option is to have her clean fish/game or cook the food and go swimming to get a nice tan while you are having a blast on the trail! Or she could ride her dumb slave animal (horse) along with you while you ride.
    =)

  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by RTK
    first i had trouble getting the girlfriend off my back to buy my mountain bike and now I've been looking at some road bikes and she's sh***** a brick because i want to buy another bike and the fact that i can ride my mountain bike on the road, she doesn't understand that a mountain bike is a lot harder to ride on roads then a "road" bike with inch wide tires, super light, and huge gears. hahah how do i get her to change her mind
    Buy two cheap (yet "brand name" )road bikes ($900ish on hers $750ish on yours), matching Jersey's, and comment that she is sexy through out the whole endeavor.
    =)

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by f3rg
    Sounds to me like your wife makes the decisions. Get your balls out of her purse, sew them back on, buy yourself a bike, and go enjoy your youth while you still have it.
    Damn...X2. I'm not saying I'm the Rooster around the house...no, wait, I *am* saying that. I work and my wife stays home to care for the kids. In the 10 years we have been married she has *never* commented on my use of discretionary funds. I don't smoke, drink or stay out late and I focus most of my energy towards my fam.

    Having said that I make sure my family has everything they need, savings account is growing, the house and cars are kept up and the utilities are paid.

    I know a bunch of p-whipped guys may make comments about my lifestyle and if they do, I'll just laugh a little inside.

    Oh, it doesn't hurt that my wife is from the old country...

    R/
    D

  34. #34
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    Oh boy this is funny. Thanks for the replies ya'll.

    So, I took some of the suggestions I got last week into the weekend and this is what I got...

    Okay, so in my first post I mentioned she told me it had been 18 years since she has ridden a bike. Really I didn't believe her, well... she was out visiting friends and I rode my bike up to meet her. When it was time to leave and we were walking home she said she wanted to ride my bike. WOW. She CANNOT ride a bike. Better than a 3year old riding without training wheels for the first time, but not good. It was funny as hell. She enjoyed it minimally. I think a bit of liquid courage helped her come to the conclusion that she wanted to try. :-D

    So Saturday comes and she was complaining as to how much my saddle hurt her butt. It did mine too when I first started using it. I really need a new one, but it works for now. I kept bringing up how funny she looked riding it, but then saying something like, "Yeah you're ready for your own bike." Basically just teasing and testing the waters. She was like, "Hell no." Then I would mention how left out she'll feel when I take the kid out for rides around town. She said, "Fine. Do it. Leave me out of it." I even mentioned getting her like a cruiser bike to get around town with us, nope. Then I brought up, "... but we'll go camping and take off to a trail and you'll be stuck at camp." She said, verbatim, "Smoke me a bowl and leave me alone." LOL.

    I didn't want her to be overly upset that I wanted to be able to ride my bike, so I figured I can either get her to like it, or get her to hate it herself. If either worked, I would still be riding. She hated it, oh well. Yea! I win! :-)

  35. #35
    Cheezy Rider
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    Since she's such a bad rider, it sounds like she's afraid of looking like a fool and afraid of getting hurt. Not to bust your chops, but teasing her about it is probably not the best way to get her on a bike.

    Not that i have a better idea. Been in your shoes, and I never did get the wife or stepdaughter in to mountain biking. I did get the wife to bike to work after a few years, mostly because parking is such a hassle that biking is actually faster, and she likes to take an occasional ride on a tandem with me. But I never let the fact that she wasn't into it keep me off the bike, just ride when you can. Although bailing on her while you're camping may not go over well, unless you bring friends for her to hang with.

  36. #36
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    Yeah.
    Last edited by onlinematt; 07-30-2008 at 11:06 AM.

  37. #37
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    >>.....couple who enjoys doing things together. We always have. We don't ever go out separately, and we rarely do something that the other one doesn't want to do.<<

    You make me sick, get some balls and start doing things on your own.

    I knew I should have stayed away from this beginner's board!
    If you're not falling, then you're not riding fast enough!
    Ibex Asta Pro SE & Giant XTC-2

  38. #38
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    Quote Originally Posted by baraant

    You make me sick, get some balls and start doing things on your own.

    I knew I should have stayed away from this beginner's board!
    Maybe if you could ever get a woman you'd understand. Don't be too pissed that your W.O.W. woman won't ride with you.
    "Good health is the slowest possible way one can die."

  39. #39
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    My woman 'rides' with me anytime I want her to. You appear to be the one who can't do the riding.
    If you're not falling, then you're not riding fast enough!
    Ibex Asta Pro SE & Giant XTC-2

  40. #40
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    Oh BURN!! ouch... i can't stop crying.

    Quote Originally Posted by baraant
    I knew I should have stayed away from this beginner's board!
    Weren't you leaving?
    "Good health is the slowest possible way one can die."

  41. #41
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    I ride more than my wife but when we got together I just bought her a bike and said why don't yoou come for a ride. N ow 8 years later I still ride more than my wife usually alone but when she does come out with me we keep it at relaxed pace and talk while we ride to catch up on what is going on. I've gooten closer to my wife on the trail than when we are at home. What I'm trying to say is maybe try to get some alone time and take her for a ride at a real easy pace somewhere with great scenery and have look around to see what nature has to offer while riding, who knows maybe she'll get hooked and want go more often.
    Just my $ .02

  42. #42
    I reckon y'all fixin to..
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    Quote Originally Posted by applehead110
    I ride more than my wife but when we got together I just bought her a bike and said why don't yoou come for a ride. N ow 8 years later I still ride more than my wife usually alone but when she does come out with me we keep it at relaxed pace and talk while we ride to catch up on what is going on. I've gooten closer to my wife on the trail than when we are at home. What I'm trying to say is maybe try to get some alone time and take her for a ride at a real easy pace somewhere with great scenery and have look around to see what nature has to offer while riding, who knows maybe she'll get hooked and want go more often.
    Just my $ .02
    That's more of what I am talking about. Like you say, you ride more than she does, but she understands it conceptually. We live in a very scenic area, but without hiking or biking or camping, you don't see it. "Hey the frickin McDonald's looks the same here as it has in every other city. There's nothing special about this place." I was thinking that nice leisurely rides with her would be a good alternative to hiking to see our surroundings. Thanks for the reply.
    "Good health is the slowest possible way one can die."

  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Plats
    Sounds like ya'll may be newlyweds, I had similar issues with my "outdoor" pursuits years ago. We been married almost 20 years now, my wife still not interested in any of it (camping, kayaking, biking). Some gals are just girly girls, home decor, hair, nails, etc. If you gots a girly girl, then that's cool, she's probably keepin your nest in order. She probably also trying to keep you in order, I call it the "nesting phenomena", it's biology bro. That said, I was slowly given my freedom to enjoy my outdoor pursuits - I take the nephew sometimes, go with friends, but often bike alone. If you got the two wheel bug, it probably ain't gonna go away, just take it slow on the "separate adventures" dealy. I can remember my wife saying, "I guess I will go on some trips with my friends", etc. If you end up getting to mountain bike your way, and get to return to a happy nest each time - Dude, then you have achieved the Male American Dream.
    Well, we have already crossed the 20 year mark. And my wife used to be an outdoor person once - more so, than I was, actually. At least, she was way more advanced - a competitive rock climber at pretty high level. Back then, in our native Sovyet Union(no Male American Dream here, apparently), rock climbing was quite fashionable - no less, than mountain biking now in the US. She is still able to ride at a decent male weekend warrior pace - just isn't fond of biking.
    Of course, I did my best to fight and win my very own War of Independence. But in my current part of the world, wars never end and are never won. Every time I would go out for a ride alone - we had an argument before I slipped out . Every time I would take her with me - we had an argument later, as I proved to be powerless to provide decent weather, trails free of insects, climbs without sweat and happiness in general. So I just decided to pay for several hours of freedom per week - wife's and daughter's country club subscription pays back greatly(even though I'd rather get them quite acceptable bikes for the money)!

  44. #44
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    I had the same thought....

    Im a man of many hobbies including Dj'in and cars and my Missis is always nagging at me for spending more time with my toys than her, nothing unusual there though right?

    Im a newbie in the bike world myself infact, i haven't got one yet and i have been thinking of ways to get my missis into agreeing with me buying one because she knows that it will become an obssesion.

    Lately she's been on about going to the gym and doing stuff cous she rekons her arse is getting big and shes got a bit of a belly bla bla bla but even though i tell her that she looks great, she thinks otherwise...

    In August, im supposed to be going to Magaluff on a stag holiday for 4 days and of course this started her off again moaning cous we dont do enough together and stuff but the fact is she doesn't want me to go and TBH iv been having second thoughts anyway because of the cost so, with that in mind i came up with the idea of telling her i wont go and instead use the money to buy us both bikes so we can go riding together and keep fit.....we could even stop off at a hotel somewhere? She thought that was a bit random mind you but none the less she was quite impressed with my romantic idea and was buying it so i went on to add that it would get that "fat arse" of hers into shape and keep her belly down

    Hook Line and Sinker! She was happy, im happy, its gunna cost me another bike but its well worth it if it will stop her nagging

  45. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatLamont
    so i went on to add that it would get that "fat arse" of hers into shape and keep her belly down

    Hook Line and Sinker! She was happy, im happy, its gunna cost me another bike but its well worth it if it will stop her nagging
    Now you just hope she doesn't start reading MTB forums. lol
    "Good health is the slowest possible way one can die."

  46. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by gitCHu ONe
    Now you just hope she doesn't start reading MTB forums. lol

    lol she cant even work MSN so i think im ok there

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    u try hypnosis??? lol

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    OMG watch out, there's a female on the board...

    With that warning out the way: I think you should just start off doing it on your own. Having separate hobbies isn't a bad thing at all. Honestly, when my husband goes out for his 3 hour rides in 100 degree weather, I'm perfectly content to be doing my own thing indoors with the AC on. As long as you're not spending cash that you don't, and you're not doing it to avoid responsibilities at home, there shouldn't be much friction. And who knows, she may decide to give it another go someday. Give her opportunities, offer to rent a tandom, invite her on a casual ride with a coed group, suggest a scenic ride and a picnic. If you make sure she knows she's welcome, she won't feel left out.

    I'm sure my husband wishes I would ride with him more, but I have less free time than he does, and I'm physically way behind him as far as fitness goes. I tend to go by myself when I'm trying to learn things, but when we do go together, it's usually a great experience. It's taken me 3 years to go from roads to rails-trails to some mild XC (as in my first real single-track ride was 2 weeks ago). So give it time. If she never catches on, so be it. You'll have interesting stories to share when you get home (and I love hearing my husband's stories, so long as they aren't about life-threatening experiences :-) ).

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    Dude that was just awesome LOL!

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    F3RFETTE, your story actually sounds like my wife's and mine. She rides with me sometimes, but she's new to the sport and rides at a slower pace. She doesn't like to ride if it is too hot, but also doesn't mind staying home and reading a book while I punish myself.

    OP, maybe she'll join you someday. I agree, keep giving her chances to ride. Here in Fort Wayne the cycling club has weekly mountain bike and greenway rides geared for beginners. They're good about keeping the pace slow and noone will get dropped. Even with 18 years off a bike, I wouldn't take long to get the hang of it again. My wife hadn't ridden a bike for 10 years before this spring, even fell on a parking lot test. After getting over the embarrassment of falling, she was ready to try the easy trails after a couple weeks. Keep it up and enjoy your rides.

  51. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by emtnate
    OP, maybe she'll join you someday. I agree, keep giving her chances to ride. Here in Fort Wayne the cycling club has weekly mountain bike and greenway rides geared for beginners. They're good about keeping the pace slow and noone will get dropped. Even with 18 years off a bike, I wouldn't take long to get the hang of it again. My wife hadn't ridden a bike for 10 years before this spring, even fell on a parking lot test. After getting over the embarrassment of falling, she was ready to try the easy trails after a couple weeks. Keep it up and enjoy your rides.
    Yeah I believe she will come around. She is now able to laugh about the fact that she wasn't very good when she rode my bike and the fact that my saddle made her butt sore for 3 days. I have to get a new one soon enough.
    "Good health is the slowest possible way one can die."

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